M. Night Shyamalan movie

Wednesday, April 25th, 2012 • Writing

This is the M. Night Shayamalan film in which people’s heads are falling off. You see people sitting around on park benches, in offices, driving etc. and their heads fall off. Pause and then a spurt of blood etc; they fall over. More people’s heads fall off.

M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN (dressed as priest): “My entire point of view is based on the church but that is going to have to change.”

RYAN REYNOLDS (stunned, haunted tone): “People’s heads are falling off”

Cut to small suburban home where mother is having to make do on her own with three errant kids because her husband’s head fell off. (Note: her husband is NOT Ryan Reynolds; this is somebody else entirely.)

KIDS: “Mom! What are we going to do?”

AMY ADAMS: “I don’t know dear.”

KIDS: “But what if YOUR head falls off?”

AMY ADAMS (reassuring): “Then you’re just going to have to make do on your own, as I have always taught you. Remember your father.”

KIDS: “Okay.”

Meanwhile in Philadelphia more people’s heads are falling off. Scientists are no closer to an answer; the National Guard has to be brought in, but their efforts are waylaid due to soldiers’ heads falling off. Telescopes are pointed at space, but no answer is forthcoming. Cut to Ryan Reynolds (dressed as a doctor) talking to Amy Adams in the parking lot.

RYAN REYNOLDS (stunned, haunted tone): “I’m sorry I was too late to save your husband”

AMY ADAMS: “That’s all right.”

KIDS (in back of SUV): “MOM!”

Finally scientists are beginning to develop a theory: all those people whose heads fell off seem to have something in common, having to do with a trip on a cruise ship that they all took last year. It appears that there is something out there, in the ocean; the scientists are looking at big charts of the North Atlantic.

M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN (dressed as priest): “Does this have anything to do with the Titanic?”

LEAD SCIENTIST: (hits him)

Then Ryan Reynold’s head falls off, but not before he discovers THE ANSWER. Cut to Amy Adams in SUV with more kids.

AMY ADAMS: “We’re going to have to handle things on our own now.”

KIDS: “MOM!”

Then the husband comes back. It turns out he wasn’t on that cruise ship after all; he was having an affair but he feels really bad about it. I don’t know what happens next but I just looked at my watch and there isn’t much more of this. Crane shot of a lot of cars stalled on the highway leading out of Philadelphia; music swells. I wish I knew how it ended, because there’s probably another twist coming.